Alternate Perceptions Magazine, April 2026
Choosing to Control Your Feelings
By: Stan Prachniak, MBA
We all experience feelings and there is no way that we can choose to not have feelings. Each day, we encounter situations that evoke feelings from within. We all experience feelings. It is not possible for us to choose to not have feelings. However, we can choose to limit the control our feelings have over our lives.
Sometimes feelings are easily dismissed, but sometimes they linger, making a significant impact on our attitude and behavior. Acknowledging and understanding our feelings plays a major role in how we react to them. If we do not take the time to acknowledge that we are having feelings, we run the risk of acting impulsively. If we do not identify our feelings, then we are not giving ourselves the opportunity to even begin to understand these feelings. Feelings are powerful and many times can dictate how we respond in certain situations. Our feelings tend to shape the beliefs we have about what is going on in any given situation. I would like to share a story about an office request that turned into a much larger issue among co-workers, simply because feelings got involved. Each morning before anyone got to work, Lisa would brew a fresh pot of coffee. Many of her co-workers drank coffee and appreciated that there would always be coffee ready for them when they got to work. As time went by, Lisa realized that no one else was brewing coffee when the pot was empty. Rather than make a big announcement about a seemingly small issue, she decided to leave a sticky note on the coffee maker that read, “If you empty the pot, please brew a fresh pot,” and added a smiley face to hopefully lighten the tone.
While a simple sticky note asking coworkers not to leave the coffee pot empty seemed harmless at first, it quickly sparked tension in the office. One employee, Daniel, takes the message personally and responds with his own passive-aggressive note. Others join in, turning the coffee machine into a battleground of sarcastic comments and growing resentment, as what began as a polite reminder evolved into a public exchange of subtle jabs.
As emotions escalated, the situation spiraled out of control. Daniel eventually tore down all the notes in frustration, triggering a heated confrontation that drug in unrelated workplace grievances. What started as a minor issue about coffee exposed deeper frustrations among coworkers, leaving the office strained and forcing management to step in.
In situations like these, it is important for individuals to acknowledge and understand their feelings. Most people have a tendency to let their feelings control their behavior. Lisa felt taken advantage of because she was the only one making fresh coffee, and she handled the situation in a way that she thought was appropriate. Unfortunately, the way she handled it brought about negative feelings from others who may have been the ones emptying the pot. Daniel took the note as a personal attack because it happened to be posted soon after he got the last cup of the pot. He became angry that a passive-aggressive note was left, so he returned the favor. If each person in this example had taken the time to take a step back, evaluate, and control their feelings, things likely would not have become as heated as they did.
Making the choice to limit the control that your feelings have over your actions generally leads to less drama and more opportunities for practicing empathy. We encounter situations regularly that may feel targeted, but are likely not. When someone cuts us off in traffic, it’s easy to believe that they did it intentionally. What if they just didn’t see us, or thought they had more time than they realized? What if Daniel took the time to pause his angry feelings and really think about why the initial note was left? He might have realized that Lisa was feeling taken advantage of because he had not ever seen anyone but her brewing the coffee. Maybe by being the first one to brew a fresh pot after emptying the pot, he would encourage others to do the same. Freedom To Change offers a way for you to limit the control that your feelings have over your attitude and behaviors, and learn to control what you can and let the rest go. For more information on the Freedom2Change materials, visit www.freedom2change.org .
